I like prison shows. Why? Because prison shows make me appreciate how much I NEVER want to go to prison. Shows like Lockup: Raw and OZ, movies like Lockdown, Murder in the First, Shawshank Redemption, and American History X caused me to grow up just as scared as Tom Dubios.
Hey, file sharing is a crime. And I'm not gonna be anally raped so you can listen to Usher.
Its all about avoiding the anal rape!
Sidenote: I also saw Sleepers as a kid. To this day, I still can't watch that movie.
So anyway, YEA! I'm pumped about this show. But while I was watching the preview, curiosity struck. And I had a couple of thoughts. Read em, and tell me what ya'll think:
- I would punch one of the inmates
Now I know what you're thinking. HELL YEA, BITCH! And you are absolutely right. At that age, how many of your friends could say they punched an inmate in prison and lived to tell about it. When you're that young, that's gangsta as hell. And since these heather-heathens are already on the TI road to shawshank redemption, they might as well take something useful from the experience. Nobody is going to be able to prison-style fuq-ya-up when all them cameras is around. So i say, GO FOR IT! Statistically only 1 out of every 30 scared straight kids is actually scared straight to college, a good job, and away from the criminal life. Don't believe me, fuq-you, google it!
- Aren't these model "All the Gold Stars" prisoners, like on the prison work-release program
These are not the bad convicts. Well, not anymore. These ain't the convicts that's gone stab in you in your chest or in the buttocks, as Forrest would say, while you sleeping in yo cell. These are the prisoners who have bettered themselves. These are the prisoners that would pick up the soap for you in the shower and suggest that you get rope for it, Hell they might even lend you their rope. These are the after school program prisoners. Being the prisoners who do Scared Straight is like being on the school newspaper or the Year Book Club.
- Does the "I'm a crazy ass bitch with a mohawk who yells like a drill sergeant" routine really work anymore?
I was not convinced. I want to see an inmate who's mad calm, and chill. Who just walks up the one of the kids, and creates this scenario:
Inmate:
"What's your name?" Lets the kid respond like "Richard Darkni...." *SLAP*!! "Bitch, yo name 5-Cigs, cause that's how much I can get for lending out yo booty to the Sisters. Here, keep this jam on you at all times! If I ask you where ya jam at 5-Cigs, you betta pull it out yo back pocket, ya dig! Oh, and you don't sleep in yo bunk, you sleep with me, I like to cuddle between the hours of 'Come-here-5-Cigs' and 'Get-the-fuk-off-me-5-Cigs'. You might be from the Hood man, but by the time you're released, you will have forgotten all about your Manhood."
And that's it. That's the end of Scared Straight. I guarantee you if you did some sh*t like that, them kids would become model citizens instead of model prisoners or Models in prison.
- Did that inmate really just say "Don't litter in my prison!"
Yo prison? What the fuq is she smoking. Must be that cell grown prison weed or them toilet ink tattoos and hooch. Scared Straight be making them prisoners feel SKRONG! That ain't yo prison. That's not some where you want to be. You can't come and go as you please. You ask "Can I please come" and "Can I please go". You are literally the recycled liter of society. Prison is a revolving door for the carelessly tossed aside trash of society. That be you, inmate number 2356321123009382030982.......
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