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Thursday, October 13, 2011

5 Ways Debra Lee Could Fix The BET Awards Show

This week has been such a treat. It started off with me having to return back to work to do sh*t I hate, and proceeded to included the BET Awards show. I hate twitter for making me envious of people tweeting about it, which in turn made me want to tweet about it too. I just can't help myself. Bottomline, the BET Awards is a f*cking Joke! It is the most poorly put together event in the history of events n*ggas put together. But!!! This can be fixed. And Debra Lee, listen to me, I have the key...Wee...Zy!

1. Re-institute the 20 Random N*ggas on Stage Clause

Remember the Source Awards? Remember how Mobb Deep would bring 80 Random N*ggas on stage and the sh*t was LIVE AS HELL....right up until somebody got shot for stepping on a fresh pair of Jays? We need to bring that back, especially if you gone make the damn stage the size of Precious's belly button. I know people are reading this like, "You want to bring back Niggradom?" YES! See, back in the day, gangstas were really gangsta, so guns and violence was a very serious problem. Back in the day niggas ate cereal with a fork to help save milk for they babies. Back in the day, niggas wore 44 inch waist jeans so they could perform with a shotgun in they pants, just incase they seen a nigga they been waiting to see. But today, our "gangstas" make songs like Marvin Gaye and Chardonnay, and title their albums Take Care, and want to do RnB, while RnB gangstas want to throw chairs out of windows, but don't actual accomplish it. Niggas wear Jeans so skinny the got to tuck they balls in they back pocket and remember not to sit on them when they return to their seats after a set. N*ggas today order soup and salads with they meals and actually know the difference between all them forks on the table. Hip-Hop is as safe as it's ever been.  20 N*ggas on stage today, couldn't punch through a wet paper bag with a hole in it.

2. Get some White People!!

I guess people who organize the BET awards don't watch the MTV awards; either that or Viacom is slowly trying to clear up that blurred line between White TV and Black TV. Either way, BET needs to get some White people. N*ggas are too cool. Did you see the crowd during the performances? They had that head nod factor. You ever been to a concert and EVERYONE had the "head nod factor" with shades on? Do you even remember who was spitting when dudes was JUST nodding they heads. Getting the Nod at a $20 show is good.  It means people are feeling your sh*t.  Getting the nod at the BET Awards when you got mainstream success is some depressing. ass. sh*t. WHITE PEOPLE GO CRAZY AT SHOWS! They go crazy over anything they love, especially bad hip hop! You know what Big Sean's performance needed....white girls!  White girls love that old face n*gga. They be wanting to play with his d*ck while taking him on walks in the park to feed the pigeons in his favorite robe and making sure he drinks all of his Ensure. Just set up a nice little whites-only area close to the front of the stage and only put the camera on them and the artists. Trust me!!!!

3. No More El Debarge

There is actually more to this than just no more Debarge. No more old n*ggas! I get it, you get it, they get it, we all love "classic" hip hop, but there are WAYYYYYY too many new artists for Heavy D to be on stage for 15 minutes confusing n*ggas who thought he'd lost a whole person of weight last time they seen him. El Debarge had the Superman S-curl that looked like it was wrapped around the strongest Kryptonite in the galaxy, sh*t was extra super weak. Yall actually had Big K.R.I.T. there but didn't let him perform the Country Sh*t remix, what gives? MTV had new artists on the come up performing inbetween major acts. Yall fools had Tyrese on stage with a Shirt that had @Tyrese on it. The BET Awards show looked more like a Halfway House Concert with DMX, and TI being your main acts for the night. Not saying they did bad, TI actually killed it, but still. It was a Hip-Hop awards show lacking actual Hip-Hop....and awards.

4. Actually Give Out Awards For Sh*t that Deserves an Award

This is the Winner of the Award for Best Mixtape of the Year...FNL. Wait! Didn't that come out last year? Does anyone remember the awards? Was there even voting involved? Did Mike Epps hand off even one real award? If you just want to do the BET Hip-Hop Cyphers and Performances Show, then call it that. That sh*t is like naming a pottery store "The Coffee Shop". You ain't got to lie Craig. Also, don't come up with bull sh*t awards. Yall giving out awards to people just because yall want to say they name and sh*t. Lil Wayne won't even there but he got Lyricist of the Year??? Hype Williams got Video Director of the Year for Belly 2 and sh*t. Nicki Minaj got MVP (Most Venimous Pussy?). Yall fools had an award for CD of the Year. Not ALBUM OF THE YEAR, COMPACT DISC OF THE YEAR. SMH.  Yall fools had an award for Compact Disc of the Year and I don't even think Verbatim was nominated.  Then to top it off, Jay-z (who ain't never going to another BET awards show EVER) got HUSTLER OF THE YEAR. BET, Sir, go have seat.

Look at this N*gga-Ass Awards List:
Best Hip Hop Video: Chris Brown f/ Lil Wayne & Busta Rhymes – 'Look At Me Now'

Reese's Perfect Combo Award (Best Collab): Chris Brown f/ Lil Wayne & Busta Rhymes – 'Look At Me Now'

Best Live Performer: Lil Wayne

Lyricist of the Year: Lil Wayne

Video Director of the Year: Hype Williams

Producer of the Year: Lex Luger

MVP of the Year: Nicki Minaj

Track of the Year: 'Black and Yellow' – Produced by Stargate (Wiz Khalifa)

CD of the Year: Kanye West – 'My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy'

DJ of the Year: DJ Khaled

Rookie of the Year: Wiz Khalifa

Made-You-Look Award (Best Hip Hop Style): Nicki Minaj

Best Hip Hop Online Site:

Best Club Banger: Waka Flocka Flame – 'No Hands' (Produced by Lex Luger)

Best Mixtape: J. Cole – 'Friday Night Lights'

Sweet 16: Best Featured Verse: Busta Rhymes – 'Look At Me Now' (Chris Brown f/ Lil Wayne & Busta Rhymes)

Hustler of the Year: Jay-Z

Verizon People's Champ Award (Viewers' Choice): Chris Brown f/ Lil Wayne & Busta Rhymes – 'Look At Me Now'

5. Only Use Songs with Adlibs, Hooks, & The Beat

Why would I watch you rap live over a song I have on my iPod at the crib? That's not a performance yo, that's singing in the shower on tv! When has it ever been cool to hear a dude rapping but clearly be able to see that he's not ACTUALLY rapping. That sh*t had the BET awards looking like dubbed over Bruce Lee flicks and sh*t. Rappers were on stage looking like a scene from Kung Pow! That sh*t was atrocious. If you can't perform your song with out the song playing, don't perform. Everybody ain't built to be on stage, just because they built to be in the booth and on the radio.  Again, this is why we need the 20 Niggas on stage Clause.  All 20 of them n*ggas know your song, probably better than you do.  You can just turn to them everytime you need to take a breath and let yo titties hang a bit, RAWSE!

Obviously, this is just a huge stepping stone in the right direction for Black n Extra Terrible-vision (BET). I think that if at least 3 out of 5 of these suggestions are attempted on 2012, the tweets will be more positive. Well, maybe they won't be more positive, but they definitely will be less negative.


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