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Wednesday, August 10, 2011

The Magical WINK...Why Do White People Do it?

So, I'm sitting at work today, mining my own business (yes, I meant mining, got uh get dafawk out dizbich) and my boss comes over to talk to me. He mentions that some serious stuff is going down and we gotta be on our game today; he actually says, "Put your Game Faces on". Its very preppy pepish, but the subtle n*gga in me can deal. Now this is where it gets "weird". As he's walking away, he goes "So lets make sure we keep an EYE on things" and hits us with one of these,

Yall got to understand, he did that shit JUST LIKE THAT! There was so much confidence in that corny as comedy. I felt like there was some inside joke that my black ass wasn't a part of. Some WINK and POINT Party that I didn't rsvp for, but he assumed I had. Just....Why?!  What is the point of the Wink. Then I started thinking, the Wink is Magical.

The Wink is the White business man's form of the Snap.

It's how he gets his point across through human gestures after CLEARLY stating the f*cking point. It's also cool. To me, the same dudes who hit people wit the magical wink during strategic times in the work place are also guys who reference characters like The Fonz, or have a Star Wars Death Star Theme song ring tone for when their wife calls. It's for people who only know Ron Howard as Opie, or don't understand why they'd ever need netflix, and got an iPhone so they'd have to ability to text people (True Story).

The Magic in the Wink is that it's subtle, only the people its meant for see it, and it can be taken any way.  If a man notices a young lady in the workplace who exhibits some sexy, if its a brotha, we do the nod, but if its a white guy, he'll hit you with THE WINK.  Sexual Harassment suit avoided.  He doesn't even have to point the woman out.  He's doesn't have to whisper to you that she's to his liking.  Why incriminate himself?  All he has to do, is hit ya with THE WINK.  99.99% of the time, HE WILL!  You may find the WINK offensive, but guess what n*gga, YOU CAN'T PROVE IT WAS!!  Completely subjective gesture.

The Wink comes in many forms, for men and women, but not always a pretty form.

You must master the WINK to master the WINKEE.  Palin's wink makes her look retarded.  That's why we know she's retarded.  But if she had hit us with one of these,
we'd love her stupid ass.

I'm fully confident in believing white folk practice the wink when taking personal time.  They probably wink after a nice sh*t.  Probably, Looking at themselves in the mirror after washing/not washing their hands and hit the Double-Handed-Snap-Point-n-Wink or the Guns-n-Wink (don't try this unless you have alteast mastered the One-Handed-Snap-n-Wink).  It in stills that white pride that keeps turns them from a blue collar to a white collar worker in what would take a normal darkie 16 years, but for them, only about 16 months.  Don't hate my brothas, you got to remember, they DID give us affirmative action.  Oh, those "brothers" on top, in the suits, with that proper dialect, dem knee grows be winking themselves right out of slavery and onto the corporate golf course.  Best believe a n*gga that can Wink, never receives a slip that is Pink!  #TrueGospel

All that doesn't really phase me though.  I find the Magical Wink so uninviting.  Its just a parasitic game of mind control and influence.  It's an empty gesture.  But, who am I to rock the boat.  I'm just another knee grow planking on this salary. 

Can you imagine how much longer slavery may have lasted if Slave Masters would have just hit a n*gga or two with THE WINK?  "See der, Suh Boss Masta Wink at me.  I's best picks me enuff of dis heere cottin tuh makes the misses all new backs ta skule clothz.  Maybe's den I sees freedoms!"

If someone winks at me, its gotta be one of the following winks below.  Those are truly magical and highly suggestive....YOU KNOW WHY!

Oh YEA!  You n***** can't WINK it like me..



Sterling Harrison said...

lmao YES this is spot on but don't forget the hard stare when u see a bad chick, normally u just nod or clear your throat but when she so bad u just look at ya boy and stare...and the mind link sets up and both understand

Big Simba said...

Oh yea.. I either catch a dude or get caught by a dude, doing that eye f*ck stare ALL THE TIME... A lot of older bad chicks where I work..

Big Simba said...

The Second Black Chick with the awkwardly sexy Wink could get it, but i gotta point out, her Mr. Ed teeth.. they Beamin

Anonymous said...

when us "whlte people do thls dlrectly to you then whatever the comment was beforehand there ls somethlng speclal that the person who dld thls ls glvlng you speclal attentlon and does not want the whole crowd to no there ls more to the story and becuz they dld to you means they expect you are smart enuff to no that you are a blg factor n whatever the subject ls so the next tlme us whlte ppl who DOD NOT PRACTLCE BEFORE PERFORMlN our gesture of sayln you are speclal above everyone else conslder lt appreclatvely rather than belng a narclssltc asshole.

my eye on my pc doesnt functlon therefore eye used the small L ;) now eye just ;) you because before judg'n y eye am usln the letter L eye ;) at you becuz surely you are not so raclst that you are too stupld to flgure that out.

Phenom Blak said...

First off, you're anonymous. I'm not giving you 3/5ths of the attention you'd get if you actually had a name.

I'm guessing you didn't read the article. Matter fact, I know you didn't read the article.

So let's try this. You fix all your grammatical errors and I'll fix all of mine. Only after that, will a brotha entertain some, if any, of your "points"?