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Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Most Underrated Films of 2011 Pt.1

Happy New Year to everyone! This is going to be our first post of 2012; the first of many, so get ready for the fuggery. I just can't help but peruse other sites looking for ridiculousness, just so I can flex my boss-ass-fugg-yo-shit-and-this-is-why muscles. Got to stay in shape. With that being said, I wondered if anyone had done a "Most Underrated Films of 2011" write up, and OFCOURSE many had. But #1 in the google search was's list of 4 films. Let's just say, that chick, needs to give me the number to her back alley dealer of Crank 3 quality shitith!

This chick put Red Riding Hood in her list. RED. RIDING. HOOD. The film that holds an 11% on Rotten Tomatoes, and 28 out of 100 on Metacritic. Ebert even gave the shit 1 star and I can't stand that fat 4-eyed Jigglypuff looking pretentious nerdturd, but even I have to agree with him. And, she only had 4 films. One of the others was Horrible Bosses, something tells me, this chick didn't give 2% of half-a-fug about this list.

So. Here's my list, in order of release.

1. Drive Angry IN 3D (before you judge me, read why, you fart nuggets!)
Disaster Film, oh yea, Action Comedy

I know people saw this and instantly thought, WHAT A FUGGIN' HYPOCRITICAL ASS MORON. That's only because you haven't read this yet. Drive Angry 3D is a HORRIBLE FILM. BUT, its so bad, that it's the perfect film to watch when you have over a group of friends and ya'll are just drinking and shooting the sh*t. I'm still not certain if Nicolas Cage realized (during the shooting of this filmtastrophy) that no one was taking it seriously, which is why it works. If I were still in college, we would have Red Boxed the fug out of this messfest. The dialogue, the ridiculous kill shots, the car chase scenes, and just the overrall obsurdity of the plot line, just straddles the borderline between Retardedly Genius and Geniusly Retarded.  It's what Ghostrider could have been, if Ghostrider didn't suck donkey balls.


2.  Hall Pass (Cmonson, the chick sneezed and SHARTED )

While everyone else was worried about the female version of The Hangover, Bridesmaids and the sequel to The Hangover, The Hangover 1.5, I was purchasing a matinee ticket to Hall Pass.  Now, let me just say this, I wasn't prepared to have a d*ck shoved in my face, along with most of the audience.  On top of that, Owen Wilson's face and acting could give a new born Polio.  With all this working against it, one of the main things it has going for it, it's one of the only CRUDE comedies to be released this year.  It was just ranchy and raw and showed how when left alone, married men are fuggin tard-lers and their wives are born again c*m thirsty whores.  However, it was still funny!  No other film this year had Fake Chow.  Almost forgot about the scene during the credits with Gary ending up in Prison..LMAO!  It's just another cool and funny dorm movie night prospect.

3. Limitless ( Some Addictions are okay, like NZT-48, Video Games, and Tropical Skittles)
Thriller, Sci-fi

Can anyone tell me where the hell Bradley Cooper came from, I'll wait.    .     .    .  EXACTLY!  No one knows.  Dude just Silver Surfer'd his way out the bum of the universe and has taken the screen by storm.  This is the same dude from Wedding Crashers, hugging porcelain in agony. Who'da thunk it?  I'd have to say, this film definitely shows that Bradley Cooper is far from 1-dimensional and that ladies should appreciate him for more than just his sky blue pupilets.  That man can act.  The story here was believable.  No matter how smart you become overnight, you're still a fuggin moron, its in ya jeans, Paco!  The film took a more serious note with the concept of having a drug that could increase one's brain usage.  It touched on the addiction to the drug, the fact that such a drug still requires a person to learn how to control and ultimately tolerate it's effects on not just the brain, but the body as well.  Cooper got the movies Coop'n with this one.  Word to Moses! 

4.  Win-Win ( Made Wrestling Seem a lot less Homo-erotic)
Drama, Comedy 

I had no idea what this film was about, but I wanted to see it.  I even won some free passes to screen it but didn't go.  I SHOULD HAVE GONE!  I didn't end up seeing the film, until about 7 months later, and damn it's good.  I'm a realist, when it comes to some films.  I appreciate a good fantasy take on reality, but every now and then you need something down to earth and feel good.  I don't know what other films Alex Shaffer has been in, but he's definitely made his mark here, in my book.  The role of Kyle, a disturbed, socially awkward, seemingly abandoned, professionally skilled High School wrestling outcast, is not an easy role to pin down, but he did it.  Do I even need to speak on Paul Giamatti, the man is a fuggin' legend in films at this point.  He made Shoot Em Up GREAT!  I'd also like to show some appreciation for the role of Jackie played by Amy Ryan.  She played the level headed yet understanding wife.  She never once came off as selfish or conceited.  Great Family Feel Good Film for the adults in the room.

5. Insidious ( Creepy Little White Kids Just Need a Friend To Possess Them )
Horror, Suspense, Paranormal

In the land of whorifically boring, overly appreciated, and hyped dark horror films such as Catfish, Paranormal Activity, and that awfully-meh Don't Be Afraid of the Dark, Insidious really was a breath of hauntingly fresh air.  I'll say this much, the film had a great premise, the story was damn near perfect, UNTIL THE END.  That's the biggest flaw with this movie.  When you finally get to see the evil that lurks in plain sight, unseen, you're thoroughly unimpressed and a bit peeved at the laziness that went into the "Wrap-That-Sh*t-Up-B!" box on this one.  But even then, it had so many good fright scenes.  So very dark and mysterious; it left its audience confused, questioning what one would do if such an evil being could not be eluded.  You can make your girlfriend or boyfriend wet their nighties with this one.

6.  Source Code ( I Once Was Confused, But Now I Get It)
Sci-Fi-Techno, Thriller

I have YET to meet a person who knew what the hell source code was about before they actually saw it.  That's usually never the case with a film.  Let's verify this: Mission Impossible, a movie about some impossible mission; Rise of the Planet of the Apes, a movie about the uprising of some apes on a planet full of apes; Sucker Punch, a movie about a trailer that tricked d*ck headed men into paying Cheese Cake Factory high ticket prices to get sucker punched in the scrotum for 90 mins.  All of these films gave movie goers enough information to know what the premise of the movie was.  Not Source Code.  Source Code, even now, is a bit difficult to sum up, but, the strangly computer age plot, and the execution of the direction the film guides its viewers, was spot on perfect.  Not to mention, Toby Maguire's brother from another mother, Jake Gyllenhaal, is really making a name for himself.  This dude went from Bubble Boy to Brokeback Moutain to Brothers to Prince of Persia, and now, Source Code.  He's really becoming a household face, but nobody can EVER get dudes name right..lmao.  "Oh that dude that looks like Toby Maguire, yea I like his movies, even the one where he's gay"..smh.

6.  Super ( I knew Ellen Page was a Crazy B*tch )

If there are two things God got right when he made Kevin Bacon, it's that his last name is Bacon and that Hollywood loves to cast him as the villain.  Ever since he did EXACTLY what a dude would do if ever to be stricken invisible (Hollow Man), Kevin's been on a roll.  This year, he was the villain twice, X-Men First Class ( Sebastian Shaw) and Super ( Jacques).  The two roles couldn't be more conflicting in comparison.  In one role, he's a level-head, diabolical mutant who wants to give mutants the upper hand.  In the other, he's a coked up strip club owner with baffoonish goons, and a love for stealing housewives and contributing to their addictions.  But Super, just may be this year's biggest sleeper film.  It's manifested in the same vein as Kick Ass, but way more brutal and real.  Good guys and bad guys and guys who you think are good guys, but really are just crazy fug nuggets die in this film.  The final outcome of the disaster Dwight from the Office creates out of a situation where he should have just left that b*tch alone and moved on, is not very favorable, but its real.  Him not going to jail for all this sh*t though, NOT REAL!  Oh Yea, Ellen Page has a sex scene *creepy*. 

7. Water For Elephants ( When Edward's Not Covered in Glitter, He Can Actually Act)
Drama, Romance, Period Piece

Water for Elephants was definitely my, "She forced me to watch This Baby Socks Soft Sh*t" film of the year.  And damnit, I liked it.  First off, I loved that awkwardly mouth mishapen Reese Witherspoon.  She's like the perfect little white women, with her cute little over bite.  In this film, she basically plays the main act of a traveling circus.  Her show requires her bond with elephants and the trust they must instill in each othe......BORRRRRRRINNNNG!!  Fug all dat!  This film is really about how Augustus Rosenbluth is a mad man, who trains (beats the sh*t out of) circus animals and throws stow aways and old drunk bums from his circus train.  The whole films is more a knocking of heads between Robert Pattinson and Christoph Waltz.  Reese is pretty much temptatious eye candy causing Robert to catch a few good ass whoopings.  The film is more a period piece, kind of like a homage to The Big Show, before Ringling Bros ruled the earth.  This may seem like a romance flick, but its really not.  I'm suprised this isn't Peta's Movie of the Century or some  boolshet. 




Peoples Critic said...

I agree with Source Code and I loved Super

Big Simba said...

People Critic,
Super was a film that I think I heard you talking about about, but I can't remember. It was definitely crazy as sh*t. Source Code was a random early bird show for me, on a day off. Well worth every penny!