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Thursday, June 21, 2012

Movie Trailer: Is Taken 2 the Hangover 2 of Liam Neeson Films? See For Yourself

TheVerdict: 

Is Taken 2  a good or bad idea?  

Well, that's a pretty complicated question.  I'm going to talk about how I felt about a sequel before I saw this trailer and then after I saw this trailer.

Before I Saw This Trailer:  Was Taken 2 A Good or Bad Idea?


Taken 2 was a good idea.  Liam Neeson has proved that no matter how dull and trivial the plot of a film is, the action puts the whole audience on-the-rails.  You don't have to know who's who, or who just died.  Who cares?  Aslong as Liam is snapping someone's neck, or disarming someone just to shot them, their friend, their dog, their goldfish, and then shoot them AGAIN, it's worth it.  No one can kill you as cool as Liam will kill you.  He's like the new Steven Seagal, minus the racism.


The original "Taken" is one of his best films.  Hell, it was one of the best first quarter year releases in the history of films.  Then Liam came back and did it again with "The Grey".  After seeing, Unknown and Clash of the Titans, the idea of a Taken 2 was a breath of fresh-MDK-air.  But maybe we jumped the gun on this one, because his last sequel "Wrath of the Titans" was a huge piece of cinematic horse stool.  Was Taken 2 a good idea before this trailer, even after "Wrath of the Titans, HELL YES!

Now Watch The Trailer

After I Saw The Trailer: Was Taken 2 A Good or Bad Idea?

Taken 2 is a bad idea, unless there is going to be extra neck snaps and broken limbs.

Issue #1

One of the worst things about the first Taken film was his daughter.  She couldn't act her way into a film about simple white girls who can't act playing a simple white chick who just can't act.  Once they kidnapped her and doped her up, the film jumped from for something-terrible to  close-to-classic.  I say all that because some genius at the studios decided "We need more Maggie".  Not more Famke, more Maggie.

Hell No We Don't!

Why can't she just be Taken again?  Why does she need to talk MORE.  Not only that, but now she's his partner.  OMG, SHOOT ME NOW PLEASE, INSTEAD OF SHOOTING THIS SEQUEL!  She's going to be getting stuck face first in more corners than Natalia from 007 Goldeneye on N64 -- I used to hate having to escort that dumb b*tch places.  This wasn't a good move.  Maybe her other roles convinced them that she's great for speaking more, lets see:

Malice in Wonderland (Did This Even Go To Theaters?)
Knight And Day (Terrible)
Faster (Minor Meh for a minor Role)
Twilight: Breaking Dawn (Gawd Awful)
Lockout (Nobody Saw This But Nobodies)
Looks to me like she didn't really need more lines.  She should be happy she's even got a reoccurring role with all this Busts, except Twilight.  F*ck Twilight.

Issue#2

The plot looks terrible.  Remember how in the first Hangover, they lost the guy and looked all over Vegas for him and got into trouble and caused mayhem, got they asses whooped and found a naked Asian comedian who used to be a doctor in a trunk, then Tyson showed up?  Remember how they repeated that same basic formula but added dicks, Lady Boys, fresh face tattoos and then Paul Giamatti showed up, then Tyson showed up AGAIN?  Taken is following suit.  Now we're going to get even more phone conversations between him and the killers.  Liam is going to be using the hell out of his GSM signal to foil these foes into submission and get his wife and possibly daughter back.  I can't believe these guys are mad at Liam for taking his daughter and trying to sex traffic her to some sloppy-8th's-please, fat-ass-virgin-cherry smasher.  What they hell was Hollywood thinking when they weren't thinking while putting this sad ass revenge plot together?

In Conclusions,

Hopefully I'm atleast 50% wrong about this film.  I really was looking forward to learning what the plot was and seeing a trailer, and now that this has happened, I'm very underwhelmed by the whole premise.  Liam Neeson is one of the best action stars in what's left of Action studios, but this is sad, long, dark, and shakey road he's going down.  He already released "The Wrath of the Titans" this year.  I don't know if his career can handle another terrible action film. 

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